Gay men are — for the most part — a great group of people. Of course we have a few bad apples every group does but we are talented, hard-working people who share a sense of community and have banned together in times of strife and prejudice.
Why then are we so terrible to each other when it comes to finding a mate? Time and time again I hear horror stories of bad first dates, ghosting and people telling flat out lies to first daters. I have had many, many, many first dates in the past year and a half but very few second dates. Here are some of the reasons I have received for not being asked on a second date:. This is a personal favorite of mine. For the past year or dating, I have made the conscious effort to NOT state what it is I am looking for upon meeting someone in person or online.
I am very happy to remain single. I have a wonderful career, great friends and an amazing family that keep me pretty busy. Should an awesome guy enter the equation — great. But a partner is neither going to define who I am or make or break my future. If someone reaches out to speak to me, I ask them what they are looking for because I am amenable. I am happy to have fun, meet new friends or go on dates in the hopes that it turns into a relationship. If not, then why go on a date in the first place?
There are an endless amounts of ways for gay men to get their dick sucked in large metropolitan areas: This seems a pretty fair assessment to me. You may end up being pleasantly surprised by what you find. This excuse for not meeting again is the oldest and lamest of them all. We are all busy at work, and honestly, I would expect nothing less from the person I am dating.
I love a man with drive.
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Again, I am calling bullshit on this excuse. We all have jobs and lives: If you are not in a position to date someone right now, you should not be going on dates. Unless you plan to date a newborn baby, we all have baggage. We all have pasts and sometimes the things that have happened to us in the past can be very traumatic. I have found that most strong-willed people can take that baggage and turn it into a positive, therefore making themselves a better person in the process. We all have exes.
We all have problems with our jobs or strive for something better. Like I said, we are all in different places and some of our baggage is heavier than others.
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But asking questions and being honest usually does the trick. It is not, however an acceptable excuse to not see someone again. Because if you are going on an initial date: Here is my favorite of the bullshit excuses for not getting together with someone again. If someone approaches me, I ask what they are looking for and take it from there. It happens. For example, a grown ass man recently took me out on a date and told me via text and in person multiple times that he was looking for that someone special.
Upon being called out, he proceeded to block me on all forms of social media. My biggest pet peeve in life especially in our current political climate is having someone say something to me and then pretend it never happened. There are boundless ways for us to communicate, which should make it very simple for these misunderstandings to never happen in the first place.
The only person this really hurts in the long run is the person who does the ghosting. I understand that we are attached to our devices at all times nowadays and correspondence can oftentimes seem meaningless. However, there are actual real-life people on the other end of those screens and those people have these pesky little things called: When you continuously disappear to get out of telling someone you are not interested or out of any problem in life for that matter, you are not actually dealing with anything at all. It may be easy to vanish from thin air, but trust me, the ghosts of your past have ways of coming back to haunt you no matter how hard you try to run from them.
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The only applicable excuse for not seeing someone on a second date or breaking things off with them is this:. See how easy that is? No one is perfect. No one will ever be perfect. And for some reason, many gay men think something perfect is right around the corner, thus continuing this endless cycle of first dates without a second date.
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Chase immediately found the gays. The two of them were so happy to see him. They asked Chase if he was single, and he said, "No, but I'm gay, so Rich, with half a pesto hamburger slider in his mouth and a stranger in his face, glanced over at Chase and longed for the camaraderie of the gays.
Meanwhile, Rich stared at his cards. There was a game for people to play, and if you won the game, you got a free drink. Sometimes they didn't. Rich spoke with a second-grade teacher from Central Washington who lives in Mukilteo, a person who sells X-ray machines to veterinarians in Bothell, a recruiter who prefers a different word for recruiter, a third-year medical student, and a person whose job it was to think about "the future of jobs" in ways he found both annoying and somewhat interesting.
But he had very little room to talk: His job was to sneak into a dating app party. Nobody had an opinion on the mayoral race when asked, and indeed didn't seem to have much knowledge about the upcoming primary. Chase and his small cloister of gays spent the evening dodging the advances of drunk women. The only hint of romance happened around 7: An exchange of eye flickering. And then the rogues were gone.
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Everyone was in on the joke. Everyone was suspicious of this elite Tinder app. But they were overworked and already accustomed to outsourcing their romantic life to an application on their telephone, so why not? What if!
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On a roof? Let's go! The only people who weren't in on the joke were the sharky dudes who showed up two hours after the party started. Chase touched Rich on the arm during a laugh and saw one of the dudes flinch: Had they stumbled into a gay thing? They hadn't. But they were cool and very transactional about trading cards for more drinks. After a couple of hours of bullshitting with lonely smart people who had little concern for local politics, we left for the elevator down.
They said "Yassss" while giving jazz hands.